If you think moving into a new neighborhood and out of one's comfort zone is stressful for adults, think of how this affects children. It's actually harder for them to cope with relocation. To them it means losing home, friends, a familiar school, and neighborhood, and the other, to encounter unknown peers and teachers.
It is a loss, and children go through the grieving process before they can positively adapt to such a change, remarks a behavioral psychologist.
He adds, "Furthermore, if moving is caused by a stressful event, such as parental separation, divorce, or unemployment, children are hit with a 'double whammy'. Children, whose parent or parents have negative feelings about moving, are also likely to have a difficult adjustment period. Some families move not for better financial or job prospects, but for personal and familial reasons. Example: one spouse wants to be close to his or her family of origin and the other spouse gives in and agrees to move. As they relocate, while one spouse feels connected, reenergized and enjoys the experience, the other spouse feels dislocated and out of place. Children of this couple not only have to adjust to the change but also to cope with the tension at home. Furthermore, if one of the parents gets depressed, the child may have the onus of supporting the depressed parent."
The good news is that the negative effects of moving are temporary. Most children adjust fairly quickly, make new friends, and bounce back to their previous level of school and sports achievement. At-risk children can also be helped with support and special care.
Here are some tips on what parents can do to make this transition easier for a child:
1. Prepare a child well in advance. Talk about the move as a family. Depending on the age of child, explain the move in such a way that he or she can understand and appreciate your reasons for moving.
2. Accept and acknowledge a child's feelings about losing friends and the familiar environment, and about the changes the child will have to adapt to.
3. Involve children in making decisions that you consider affordable and appropriate for your child. For example, involve the child in selecting articles for his/her new bedroom, study desk, other personal articles, etc.
4. Depending on the age of your children, assign them tasks to gather information about the new place, for example, location of a gym, Y.M.C.A., schools in the area, etc.
5. Move during the summer, if possible, to minimize school-change problems.
6. Manage your own stress and try to stay calm around children.
7. Request the new school to provide a "buddy" to take the child around the school and introduce to other children.
8. Arrange for professional help if a child is at risk.
9. Arrange for additional tutoring for a child who has learning difficulties.
10. Ask your child how you can make this transition easier for him or her.
In the moving process, children will always have mixed feelings about the move, but with adequate preparation and participation, you can minimize their anxieties and help them be part of the new community.
