Face it: not all teachers are likable. In fact, a number of them are downright deplorable. Linda had a teacher in first grade who hit her on the head with a notebook because she kept asking help from her. She had just come from a long absence due to a hospital stay that made her rusty and that day they were being given a battery of IQ tests. So you can imagine how miserable and clueless she was as to how to go about the exercises. She kept calling her teacher for clarification and when she called her for the fourth time she went up to her and brought down the booklet she was holding on her head.
She still hasn't forgiven her to this day.
We all have adjectives to describe the teacher we don't like. The most popular ones are: negative, inflexible, domineering, rude and argumentative. For sure, your children have similar opinions about a certain teacher in school. That's okay, you might say. But when this teacher starts making life miserable for your child, well, it's time to take action.
So how can parents deal with the terror teacher situation? Read on and learn from these tips:
1. Listen carefully to your child's understanding of the situation. Ask open-ended questions and listen not only to the facts, but also the feelings, expressed by your child. Ask for specific examples of behavior or words that make him think the teacher is "mean." Often, just having someone to listen to helps a child put struggles into perspective and is all they need to feel better about things.
2. Brainstorm together ways your child can improve the relationship. It usually takes two to fight. Can you help your child identify the trouble spots in his relationships? Does he talk too much at inappropriate times? Does she somehow make it difficult for the teacher to do her job? Or do their values somehow clash, for example when a messy kid meets a teacher who values neatness and organization?
3. Identify at least one behavior your child could change right away. For example, if a teacher complains about incomplete or messy work, your child could promise to finish all assignments on time for a week.
4. Meet with the teacher and compare perceptions. Start with a smile and a handshake, and then find at least one positive thing to say about the teacher or the classroom.
Then gently get to the point. Begin with, "This is what my child is feeling about coming to school. He thinks . . ." Then ask the teacher what he or she thinks is going on. If you both focus on meeting the needs of the child, you should be able to come up with a plan you can both agree on.
5. Go to the principal, only after all else has failed. If the principal can't reassign your child to another teacher, he or she may be able to help you and the teacher find common ground and a workable solution.
Learning to work through difficult relationships takes time. But it's a life skill your child needs throughout life. Self-esteem and confidence will soar when children can work out these problems on their own, with your support. And their learning will improve when you and the teacher form a truly collaborative approach to meeting your child's needs.
Read more...
8 Effective Ways on How to Tell Your Children That You Split Up
Children are the true victims of a broken home. No matter what their age, it is quite painful for them to see their parents separate, and even if they are already in the age of reason, they can never truly fathom at once why Mom and Dad have to split up. Such an event never fails to leave scars in their psyches.
However, separation of parents is something that happens unplanned, as alarming as it sounds. People change. Marriages disintegrate. But no matter who is the one at fault, children will always look up to both parents.
To ease the pain, consider the factors of when, how and what to tell them, as shown in the guidelines below:
When to Tell Them
If your children are five or younger, it's best to tell them a day or two before you separate. For school-age children, a few days to a week before will help them assimilate what you say. Adolescents often know their parents' plans weeks or even months ahead because they are often the confidants of one or both parents. But they should be told at least two weeks before the separation so they'll have the opportunity to discuss it with their best friends and think about how it will affect them and what lies ahead for all of you.
What if your spouse leaves or files for legal separation /annulment suddenly? In this case, you can apologize to your children and admit candidly that you just learned of it, that you want to keep them informed and that had you known in advance, you would have told them. This is no time to equivocate.
How to Tell Them
The best thing you can do is gather the children around during a quiet time that's not in the midst of normal activities like watching television, talking with a friend on the phone or doing homework. Tell them that you've decided to separate, what that means and when it will happen. Again, your goal is to assure your children that you're thinking about their well-being. Talk simply and slowly, and keep in mind that they'll remember forever what you are saying. They'll also remember what you don't say. Parents tend to be so worried about telling their children about it that they rush through the process. You may want to get it over with so you can feel relieved. But if you fail to fully engage each child's attention, you'll miss an important opportunity to lay the foundation for the future of your post-separation family.
Plan to tell your children about the separation when both you and your spouse are going to be home for the next few days or through the weekend. Don't do it just before a business trip or when you're less available. If you can manage to talk to them together, by all means do so. It's far better to symbolize some harmony than to show anger at the other or point a finger in blame. If you can't cooperate, each parent should tell the children separately but take turns, one right after the other. If you can lay aside your anger momentarily, decide together beforehand what you're going to say so that your stories jibe. Parents owe their children the gift of civility and cooperation at this transformative moment in their lives. To offer even more comfort and assurance, tell them that you will be there the next morning and that you'll spend more time with them at bedtime.
What to Tell Your Children —Eight Points to Cover
Many parents refrain from telling their children why they are breaking up because they think it puts the kids in the middle of an uncomfortable situation. But the opposite is true: Children who are provided with a rational age-appropriate explanation will learn that the split is not a bolt from the blue but the result of an unavoidable error.
It is important to plan what you say to your children in advance. Since separation is such a major life change, it's wise to have several conversations with your kids. Here are eight key issues to cover:
O Tell your children that when you were married, you loved each other, so they won't feel they were conceived in anger.
O Tell them that they are not responsible for the separation, and highlight specific examples. For instance, "We are not breaking up because you didn't put your toys away."
O Ask your children what they think the word "separation" means. You may be surprised by what they say.
O Tell them that you and their father will have separate homes, but that you will both continue to be their parents.
O Tell them about the custody and visiting arrangements you have in mind. Ask for their suggestions and assure them that you will consider their needs and wishes to every extent possible.
O Don't deprecate or scapegoat your spouse. Explain that because you and your husband can't make your marriage work, you've decided to separate to help everyone in the family.
O For teenage children, tell them you want them to be happy in their relationships and eventually succeed in their marriages. Say, "I know you will be a loving young woman and will choose the right partner."
O Offer ongoing support. Explain that the break-up is a "conversation for a lifetime" and is a subject that should remain open between you and your child.
Read more...
However, separation of parents is something that happens unplanned, as alarming as it sounds. People change. Marriages disintegrate. But no matter who is the one at fault, children will always look up to both parents.
To ease the pain, consider the factors of when, how and what to tell them, as shown in the guidelines below:
When to Tell Them
If your children are five or younger, it's best to tell them a day or two before you separate. For school-age children, a few days to a week before will help them assimilate what you say. Adolescents often know their parents' plans weeks or even months ahead because they are often the confidants of one or both parents. But they should be told at least two weeks before the separation so they'll have the opportunity to discuss it with their best friends and think about how it will affect them and what lies ahead for all of you.
What if your spouse leaves or files for legal separation /annulment suddenly? In this case, you can apologize to your children and admit candidly that you just learned of it, that you want to keep them informed and that had you known in advance, you would have told them. This is no time to equivocate.
How to Tell Them
The best thing you can do is gather the children around during a quiet time that's not in the midst of normal activities like watching television, talking with a friend on the phone or doing homework. Tell them that you've decided to separate, what that means and when it will happen. Again, your goal is to assure your children that you're thinking about their well-being. Talk simply and slowly, and keep in mind that they'll remember forever what you are saying. They'll also remember what you don't say. Parents tend to be so worried about telling their children about it that they rush through the process. You may want to get it over with so you can feel relieved. But if you fail to fully engage each child's attention, you'll miss an important opportunity to lay the foundation for the future of your post-separation family.
Plan to tell your children about the separation when both you and your spouse are going to be home for the next few days or through the weekend. Don't do it just before a business trip or when you're less available. If you can manage to talk to them together, by all means do so. It's far better to symbolize some harmony than to show anger at the other or point a finger in blame. If you can't cooperate, each parent should tell the children separately but take turns, one right after the other. If you can lay aside your anger momentarily, decide together beforehand what you're going to say so that your stories jibe. Parents owe their children the gift of civility and cooperation at this transformative moment in their lives. To offer even more comfort and assurance, tell them that you will be there the next morning and that you'll spend more time with them at bedtime.
What to Tell Your Children —Eight Points to Cover
Many parents refrain from telling their children why they are breaking up because they think it puts the kids in the middle of an uncomfortable situation. But the opposite is true: Children who are provided with a rational age-appropriate explanation will learn that the split is not a bolt from the blue but the result of an unavoidable error.
It is important to plan what you say to your children in advance. Since separation is such a major life change, it's wise to have several conversations with your kids. Here are eight key issues to cover:
O Tell your children that when you were married, you loved each other, so they won't feel they were conceived in anger.
O Tell them that they are not responsible for the separation, and highlight specific examples. For instance, "We are not breaking up because you didn't put your toys away."
O Ask your children what they think the word "separation" means. You may be surprised by what they say.
O Tell them that you and their father will have separate homes, but that you will both continue to be their parents.
O Tell them about the custody and visiting arrangements you have in mind. Ask for their suggestions and assure them that you will consider their needs and wishes to every extent possible.
O Don't deprecate or scapegoat your spouse. Explain that because you and your husband can't make your marriage work, you've decided to separate to help everyone in the family.
O For teenage children, tell them you want them to be happy in their relationships and eventually succeed in their marriages. Say, "I know you will be a loving young woman and will choose the right partner."
O Offer ongoing support. Explain that the break-up is a "conversation for a lifetime" and is a subject that should remain open between you and your child.
Read more...
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