Face it: not all teachers are likable. In fact, a number of them are downright deplorable. Linda had a teacher in first grade who hit her on the head with a notebook because she kept asking help from her. She had just come from a long absence due to a hospital stay that made her rusty and that day they were being given a battery of IQ tests. So you can imagine how miserable and clueless she was as to how to go about the exercises. She kept calling her teacher for clarification and when she called her for the fourth time she went up to her and brought down the booklet she was holding on her head.
She still hasn't forgiven her to this day.
We all have adjectives to describe the teacher we don't like. The most popular ones are: negative, inflexible, domineering, rude and argumentative. For sure, your children have similar opinions about a certain teacher in school. That's okay, you might say. But when this teacher starts making life miserable for your child, well, it's time to take action.
So how can parents deal with the terror teacher situation? Read on and learn from these tips:
1. Listen carefully to your child's understanding of the situation. Ask open-ended questions and listen not only to the facts, but also the feelings, expressed by your child. Ask for specific examples of behavior or words that make him think the teacher is "mean." Often, just having someone to listen to helps a child put struggles into perspective and is all they need to feel better about things.
2. Brainstorm together ways your child can improve the relationship. It usually takes two to fight. Can you help your child identify the trouble spots in his relationships? Does he talk too much at inappropriate times? Does she somehow make it difficult for the teacher to do her job? Or do their values somehow clash, for example when a messy kid meets a teacher who values neatness and organization?
3. Identify at least one behavior your child could change right away. For example, if a teacher complains about incomplete or messy work, your child could promise to finish all assignments on time for a week.
4. Meet with the teacher and compare perceptions. Start with a smile and a handshake, and then find at least one positive thing to say about the teacher or the classroom.
Then gently get to the point. Begin with, "This is what my child is feeling about coming to school. He thinks . . ." Then ask the teacher what he or she thinks is going on. If you both focus on meeting the needs of the child, you should be able to come up with a plan you can both agree on.
5. Go to the principal, only after all else has failed. If the principal can't reassign your child to another teacher, he or she may be able to help you and the teacher find common ground and a workable solution.
Learning to work through difficult relationships takes time. But it's a life skill your child needs throughout life. Self-esteem and confidence will soar when children can work out these problems on their own, with your support. And their learning will improve when you and the teacher form a truly collaborative approach to meeting your child's needs.
