Some children are born with very strong and intimidating personalities coupled with a ferocious temper. These children, while they may not necessarily be the school bullies, will not back down when teased or challenged to a fight. They are quick to explode and can't be reasoned with. Negotiating with them to calm down and engage in a proper discussion is always futile. They are surely to the point of discouraging other kids from wanting to be friends with them. They don't adapt easily to change and display tantrums, not minding if other people are witnessing their irascibility.
According to research, some children (approximately 10-20%) are born with "difficult temperament." Traits include: high, often impulsive activity level; extra sensitive to sensory stimulation; overwhelmed by change in routines and new experiences; intense, inflexible reactions; easily distracted or incredibly focused; adapt slowly to change, not able to calm themselves well; irregular biological rhythms, such as hunger/sleep schedules; rapid, intense, mood swings resulting in acting out or withdrawing completely.
Effective parents develop attitudes, guidance strategies, and communication skills that work with, rather than against, a child's temperament. Difficult children can learn to be self-controlled, cooperative, and adaptable. Here are several tips:
• Provide the fundamentals. Children who are well-nourished with enough sleep and the right foods cope best. Give children personalized time, attention, and affection daily.
• Focus on strengths; look for the positive. Voice your appreciation whenever a child is flexible, positive, or adaptable.
• Avoid name-calling and labeling kids as "hyper," "problem child" or "trouble maker." Labels chip away at self-esteem.
• Be patient, empathize, and interpret temperament traits. Try: "It's hard for you to sit still a long time. Hold on, we'll be at the park soon. See how many stop signs you can find." Or "It's frustrating adjusting to home after visiting with grandpa. Remember, first you brush your teeth, take a bath, and then we read a story before bed."
• Maintain a predictable schedule. Warn children of changes in routine so they aren't caught off guard. "Today, we're taking care of your cousin Tony because his par¬ents are out of town."
•Keep your home calm and predictable. Loud television, music, or family arguments will stress any child, but especially those with difficult temperament.
•Create safe, cozy and calming spaces in your home where a child can relax or regain gain control when upset or over-stimulated. Remind him/her of relaxing things as such as coping strategies, a favorite stuffed animal, toy, music, or game.
